The Defy Aging Newsletter
Anti-aging psychology, holistic health, and wellness
a biweekly e-mail newsletter for helping you think, feel, look, and be more youthful and live with purpose.
March 12, 2009 Number 205
The Key to Good Sex for Boomers and Seniors
Action to take
Treat sex as play rather than performance; a journey rather than a destination.
While cake is good without icing, sex is the icing on the cake that makes intimate relationships especially sweet. Our humor is a good indication of how important sex is to us, and how much anxiety we have about it. It takes more than a little blue pill to have a fulfilling sex life. Sexologist Dr. Robert Birch has more than thirty years experience working with men, women, and couples on sexual concerns. Although retired from clinical practice he still writes extensively how to have a more fulfilling sexual life.
“There’s no denying that our bodies change as we age. It’s amazing how many senior and Boomer men avoid sex for fear of not performing well,” says Dr. Birch. “But if you take a playful attitude and see sex as an enjoyable journey rather than a destination, sex can be rewarding and fulfilling all your life.” “A lot of women think there is something wrong with them if they don’t climax during intercourse. The truth is that most women never climax during intercourse, but most can climax with extra stimulation before or after intercourse.”
Most sex therapists talk a lot about technique. I love the way Dr. Robert Birch places the emphasis on outlook an attitude. His biggest emphasis is on sex as play. The spice is creativity and adventure. His metaphor is enjoying the trip whether you get to the destination or not. It is sex that lasts a lifetime.
Two of the keys are focusing on the sensual as opposed to performance, and talking positively, e.g., I love it when you do that, as opposed to why don’t you ever.... I found it fascinating that in his 30 years of research and clinical experience he finds a lot of middle aged men avoiding sex for fear they won’t perform well. The shift to a mindset of a playful trip means there is no grade.
I also was fascinated to learn that swingers have very clear rules. Dr. Birch observed that most people in open marriages eventually end up closing the relationship, that is making it exclusive, …or getting a divorce. Why? Sex and relationships require trust and it’s hard to have trust without rules and rules are tricky in an open marriage. Of course, Dr. Birch’s first rule is play.
If you would like to hear the free podcast of my 50 minute interview with Dr. Birch, you can download it or stream it at www.webtalkradio.net or http://agelesslifestyles.com/2009/03/a-fulfilling-sex-life-for-boomers-and-seniors/. Dr. Birch's manuals, erotic novels, and erotic poetry are at www.oralcaress.com. (Note: the material is explicit.)
Sex is the great amateur art.
When I was young I used to have successes with women because I was young. Now I have successes with women because I am old. Middle age was the hardest part.
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. His priest advised him, "My son, the Church says sex is work and is not permitted on Sundays." The man thinks: "What does a priest know of sex?" So he asked a married minister who concurred that sex is work and forbidden on the Sabbath. Not pleased with the answers, he sought the ultimate authority a man of thousands of years of tradition and knowledge a Rabbi. The Rabbi told him, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The Rabbi replied, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."
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"Dr. Michael Brickey, The Anti-Aging Psychologist, teaches people to think, feel, look and be more youthful. He is an inspiring keynote speaker and Oprah-featured author. His works include: Defy Aging, 52 baby steps to Grow Young, and Reverse Aging (anti-aging hypnosis CDs). Visit www.NotAging.com for a free report on anti-aging secrets and a free newsletter with practical anti-aging tips."