Adopt a belief that you gravitate to upbeat people.

Why

Our brains have a built in WiFi (wireless fidelity system) to read and imitate

others’ emotions in a matter of milliseconds. There is great adaptive value

to quickly recognizing danger and reacting to it before the conscious mind

even has time to figure things out. Our WiFi system also facilities rapport,

shared emotions, and emotional bonding.

When you see someone scratch, yawn, or smile, your premotor muscles

activate to do the same. What determines whether the movement it

executed is beyond the scope of this article. What is clear from

Daniel Goleman's research on Social Intelligence is that you are programmed

to imitate other people. Two implications come to my mind for our goal of

thinking, feeling, looking, and being happier.

#1 You become like the people you are around. If you are around dour, sour

people, it drags your mood downwards. If you associate with upbeat people

who smile a lot, you will smile more as well. I’m not suggesting you get

a divorce because your spouse doesn’t smile enough. But it is worth considering

whether the friends you choose, the activities you go to, and your workplace pulls

you up or down. At the least, adopt a belief that you gravitate to upbeat people.

You may want to consider whether you want to make some changes in how you

spend your time or even whether your job could be structured differently or

is ultimately a job you want to stay with.

It is interesting to theorize what can go wrong with emotional WiFi. Religious fanatics

rigidly adhere to a belief system and pay little attention to WiFi input. Stereotypical

lab scientists who do great research but are inept with people also have a WiFi

system that pays little attention to input. Anti-social personalities may or may not

read others well but ignore empathy. Dependent personalities too readily absorb

and react to everyone else’s feelings.

#2 When one person is smiling and another frowning, which emotion is most

contagious? One influence is power, i.e., people are more likely to mirror the

bosses’ emotions than the boss it to mirror theirs. Power aside, it usually is

the person with the strongest personality. By strongest personality I mean

the person who has the clearest self-concept about who he or she is,

especially emotionally, and stays with that default program most of the time.

Thus a person who has a self-concept of being an upbeat, very resilient

person who rarely gets pulled down is likely to be emotionally dominant

with others. She is also likely to have what I would call an emotional

immunity to others’ negative emotions.

Make a statement about your emotional self-concept. Does it give you

the benefits I just described? If not, tweak it until it gives you the positive

strong personality you love to have.
 

Quotes

Humor

Mommy my feelings don’t feel good.

~Sonia Brickey at age 6 and not willing to settle for bad feelings

T-shirts from women who take crap from nobody:

~Guys have feelings too—but who cares

~Please don’t make me kill you

~I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people

Study Groups

I was delighted to learn that study groups in Los Angeles

having been using Defy Aging and 52 baby steps to Grow Young for

four years and are asking for more material. Meanwhile church groups

are using 52 baby steps for study groups as well. If you are interested

in either book for a study group or distribution at work, call 614-237-4556

for information on volume discounts or email MB@DrBrickey.com 

This article was from:

THE DEFY AGING NEWSLETTER
Anti-Aging Psychology
Holistic Health and Wellness

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"Dr. Michael Brickey, The Anti-Aging Psychologist, teaches people to think, feel, look and be more youthful. He is an inspiring keynote speaker and Oprah-featured author. His works include:  Defy Aging, 52 Baby Steps to grow young, and Reverse Aging (anti-aging hypnosis CDs). Visit www.NotAging.com for a free report on anti-aging secrets and a free newsletter with practical anti-aging tips."